Gift of Love

Each of the Motherhouses has an Indian name with a special meaning. The house that I go to in the morning for the dying and destitute is called “Prem  Dan” which translates to “gift of love”. I can’t think of a more fitting name for this house.

 I look forward to going to work every morning. I have gotten to know most of the women that are there now and with each I have some kind of connection. Either it be a silly greeting we have for each other, a hug, a high five, a touch on the shoulder or a reached out hand to hold. There is so much love in that room it is truly impossible to feel anything else.

Today I was in a hurry to get back as I have been away for 3 days in Darjeeling and I have a very special lady that I have been caring for since I arrived. Everyday I feed her and while I feed her I sing “somewhere over the rainbow”. When she sees me in the morning she pretends to feed herself as a little joke to me because she knows when the times comes I will be there for her. She is 70 at least and so thin. Each day she eats less and less and I was very worried to leave her for I knew she would not be long here.

Sadly this morning when I arrived I ran to her bed and it was empty. I found the Sister and took her to the bed and said to her “please, where is my lady”. She informed me that she had passed earlier this morning.

All day I have felt so guilty, that I was the only one giving her love and comfort in her last days and I left her alone at the end. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, I know I did give her comfort but knowing does not make me feel better. I have a big knot in my stomach and I am sad today. Tired.

Death is a daily occurrence but I will never be comfortable watching as a body is being carried to the back room all swaddled in white cloth. You just don’t get used to it. Today it was my special lady being carried out. I will miss her and I will remember her. That will be my gift of love to her. 

                                                           Holding my lady's hand.